Just a little while ago, I had a convo with my therapist about my current diagnosis...its not longer Anorexia...it's Ed NOS which means "eating disorder not otherwise specified". I looked up a ittle mor einfo on this so in no way is the following my work, I found this on Wikipedia. But it says that ED NOS is the diagnosis for a person with disordered eating patterns but doesn't fit any one category. More specifically, it says that the folliwing is the criteria, which is from the DSM IV:

DSM-IV Criteria

The EDNOS category include disorders that do not meet the criteria for a specific eating disorder. Each one of the following disorders is an example:

• For females, all of the criteria for anorexia nervosa are met except that the individual has regular menses.

• All of the criteria for anorexia nervosa are met except that, despite substantial weight loss, the individual's current weight is in the normal range.

• All of the criteria for bulimia nervosa are met except that binge eating and inappropriate compensatory mechanisms occur at a frequency of less than twice a week or for a duration of less than 3 months.

• The regular use of inappropriate compensatory behavior by an individual of normal body weight after eating small amounts of food (eg; self-induced vomiting after the consumption of two cookies).

• Repeatedly chewing and spitting out, but not swallowing, large amounts of food.

• Binge eating disorder: recurrent episodes of binge eating in the absence of the regular use of inappropriate compensatory behaviors characteristic of bulimia nervosa.

I don't know how I feel about this. This is s touchy subject because it is hard to talk about feelings around certain diagnosis', for me anyway, just bc I don't want anyone to take offense to anything or misinterpret especially bc the thoughts that ed's make you have are very irrational. But I will say that at this moment in time, I'm trying not to worry about it. Honestly at this point, I really don't even want an ed. Which is huge for me because I've been so scared to let go for so long. Just because I don't want it doesn't make it go away, but it increases my motivation. Anyway, I was wondering if anyone with ed's out there also have those thoughts about having one diagnosis over another, like one is better than the other...even though we obviously know that none are good in any way. I don't know if I'm making sense but I hope this does lol. Take care everyone!!

Grocery shopping is stressful....I struggle not to look at labels even though I know it serves no good. Did that this morning, And we had a cookout at school and I went and was happy to be there, but it made me really nervous once I was about to eat. It felt surreal getting into the line to actually get food. I've never eaten at one of the school cookouts before so it felt like a big breakthrough. But I started to get really nervous and I didn't know what to do. Then I offered my friend my burger but of course they didn't take it And anyway I ate it and enjoyed it. But I felt so guilty afterward and it was hard not having Allison (the dietitian) to text bc shes in Italy for the week. So annoying. But I will say that I'm pretty excited and proud of myself for eating the BURGER, which up until almost a year ago I thought would be the death of me. I'm proud that I was able to overcome my anxiety and insecurities about what people would think about me. I just tried to enjoy myself and allow myself the food just like everyone else. Things like that still feel so wierd. It feels so wierd in such an amazing way to be able to eat what everyone else is eating at a gathering or get together. It feels so normal which I worked so hard to get to for so long. I just can't take tings like that for granted. I feel like a freak sometimes bc I literally will sit there thinking about how different but freeing it feels to eat what I want with my friends. It alsways feels like such a big freeing event. But now that I can do it, I still have horrible thoughts which isn't so great. So after the cookout I had to go home and sleep afterward so I wouldn't think about it and wouldn't purge. I was extremely tempted to and also to exercise but I sat with it. I think Allison would be proud. Thanks for reading!

I found a website that I thought I'd share...

http://www.intuitiveeating.com/

Kiah! I'm so excited you found my blog! Now maybe you should join and follow it and maybe create your own blog so I can read about ur life! lol And I also want to thank everyone else who has joined so far for joining. Is there anything going on that anyone would like to talk about? Today was more of a difficult day food wise. A friend of mine got sick at lunch today and as terrible as this sounds, it really triggered me. I feel bad saying that because I should be more concerned with how she feels. But then again I know that it's not good to "should all over ourselves" but ya know, I just feel bad, and honestly really stupid, that something like that would trigger me. Because she was so obviously just not feeling well and not trying to be triggering in any way, shape, of form. But it kind of reminded me of a time when I was in the Alexian partial program, where this awesome kid who I was really good friends with got sick right after lunch in meal processing group. He literally just puked into his cup that he was holding and it triggered a lot of people. It especially triggered one girl who was also my good friend. She was right next to him and saw everything happen. And I felt really bad. No one knew if he had done it as a compensatory behavior but was saying he felt sick to get rid of food he felt guilty about, because obviously if you are a patient on an eating disorder unit, you are not usually trusted with things like that. It made me think back to those hospital days. Surprisingly, I don't miss them but I do miss the people. And I don't know. Just makes me realize that there are so many thigns that I don't feel like I have the right to feel which furthers my self-criticism. How do you all deal with feeling guilty about certain feelings? (if that makes any sense)...and how do you deal with big triggers, or even smaller ones?

Hey guys,
So I was having a lot of bad body image lately and really beating myself up for not really giving in to my ED. But I saw my dietitian tonight and she was trying to help me work on intuitive eating. I find that so hard. It's so confusing. I would much rather have a meal plan to follow where I have strict gudelines to make sure I'm adhering to. But I suppose that is part of the ED so I know it is important to try and break that rigidity. I have made a lot of progress in that area but still some to be made. Anyway, I was wondering if anyone else ever feels like this? Is it hard for anyone else to follow their body signals and eat intuitively? I'm guessing the answer is yes but what do you do to try and combat it? I think I'm also just having a harder time because my therapist who was out on maternity leave contacted me yesterday and that is going to be a whole other difficult situation that I'd rather avoid. Another reason to want to engage. But I refuse to. For tonight anyway. Any thoughts?

Hey guys,
So this will be my first real blog entry on here. My hope for this blog is to be completely recovery oriented. I would love for anyone and everyone who is somehow affected by an eating disorder to feel more than welcome to post on this blog, and anyone who just wants to learn and get in on the convos is more than welcome. I just ask that we don't talk numbers or say anything that could be potentially triggering because everyone is at different points in their recoveries.
For me, support and community have been probably the most vital and essential part of my recovery. They've been so important because as we all probably know, ed's are a lot about secrecy and having someone to be accountable to is such a great help.
I plan to just post ideas I have on here about my own recovery and just post things as they happen on here. I hope that what I write will ignite some really in depth convos where we can all maybe help each other grow a little. That would be the best. I'm excited to get started on this blog and please feel free to ask any questions you may have of me!
Peace & love,
Erika

Hey guys!!
WELCOME!